In Other Words

No nonsense kind of guy

I could write about how fun Sentosa was yesterday and how it was all brilliant (after the first pub, which was really annoying because everybody had ‘attitude’ and as a result we felt really stressed out.) but I won’t, because Liana Banana has undoubtedly written it out in great detail and, truth be told, I’m not much in the mood for talking about how wonderful my day was. So instead I’m going to talk about how I’m going to kill Liana’s brother, Loobz, with a big sharp stick.

It will be an anal insertion and it will come hard and fast. (deep and well lubricated) I’m going to have to enlist the help of some friends who know more about anal insertion, as I’m not an expert on the field, but I’m hoping they will teach me how to make him scream loudly (and walk up straight, because, after all, he’ll have a stick up his ass).

Why would I want to kill him? Well he did call me a turkey (not the country) and a slong, but that’s not really the reason. The reason for his untimely demise will be, quite simply, because I am, deep down, a complete psychopath.

I also have a fascination with earwigs. The living kind, mind you, not the cotton covered kind. In secret I am trying to create carnivorous earwigs. They would be great for party tricks. I’ve got a whole secret laboratory hidden away underneath a public building and while people /think/ I’m working I’m really experimenting on poor unsuspecting foreigners who nobody will miss anyway, seeing as they are guest workers and from poor countries anyway.

The thing in my office? I carefully altered inflatable doll that I bought from a sex magazine. It always has its mouth open so it looks very similar to me. I’ve got a little tape recorder that keeps singing the song that never ends and nobody has, as yet, seen through my carefully crafted illusion.

I think I’ve given away enough of my dirty little secrets, so I’ll stop for now.

Oh, if anybody thinks I was kidding at any time during this post, I wasn’t. Its all true, oh yes, and the monsters do live under your bed, I should know, because I put them there.

posted by Symbol @ 20.6.04